My Grandmother: She Survived, She Led, She Loved

As part of LYP's "Women Who Shaped Me" Series

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If there was ever someone destined to be my soul mate since birth, it was my maternal grandmother.

Growing up, she was everything you’d hope for in a grandmother: comforting, nurturing, my best friend. But it wasn’t until after her passing that I began to fully understand the strength and quiet leadership that defined her, the kind that allowed her to survive the unimaginable hardships that women of her generation endured in post-war Korea.

My grandmother was the firstborn of nine siblings. From stories shared by relatives, I learned she was an exceptional student with a deep hunger for learning. But as the eldest daughter in a patriarchal society, she was expected to give up her own education so her younger brothers could study. On paper, her formal education ended at Grade 6. I say on paper intentionally, because despite not attending school, she taught herself the 천자문 (1,000 Chinese characters) and read the newspaper out loud each day to stay connected to the world.

She was, without question, one of the most intelligent, elegant, and sophisticated women I’ve ever known. Had she been born in a different era, she would have attended the finest schools and gone on to lead thousands in whatever role she chose.

My grandmother had six children of her own, but the Korean War took the lives of her beloved husband and eldest son. She was just 31 years old. And yet, grieving was a luxury she couldn’t afford. She still had five children and eight siblings who relied on her. In the face of unimaginable loss, she stepped up as the head of the household with unwavering determination. She became the leader her family needed, not because she held a formal title or had a higher education, but because she embodied responsibility, courage, and love. She is living proof that leadership is not about status. It's about showing up, again and again, for the people who need you most.

When she reflected on those years, she once told me,

“After your grandfather and my son died, I stopped menstruating for five years.”

Her body had shut down from the shock and stress.

“Then one day, my period came back,” she said, almost matter-of-factly.

“And it was only then that I realized I hadn’t menstruated in all that time.”

I can’t begin to imagine the physical and emotional pain she endured every single day as the head of a broken household. And yet, she persisted with grit, dignity, and hope.

One of my fondest memories of her was seeing her in action as the president of the local senior citizens’ school. She was charismatic, disciplined, and warm, a natural leader. When she organized, people followed. When she spoke, people listened. Her group’s activities were always purposeful, often dedicated to serving the most vulnerable in the community. I once saw her in a TV interview, proudly leading her group as they prepared hundreds of batches of kimchi to share with those in need. She often said "You don't need to be rich in money to share. You can be rich in love."

One day, she taught me a song they often sang at her school:

“마음속의 늙은이 따로 있는가.마음속의 주름살이 따로 있는가.늘 항상 마음은 젊어서 마음,늘 항상 마음은 어릴 때 마음.배움에 다할 길이 없는 것이니,우리도 배우고 또 배우노라.”

Roughly translated, it went like this:

"Is there such a thing as an old person in the heart?

Are there wrinkles that live in the mind?

Our hearts remain young, as young as when we were children.

There is no end to learning,

So we continue to learn and learn again."

If you read the first piece in this Women Who Shaped Me series, you’ll remember that my mother is a fierce advocate and pioneer in elderly welfare in Korea. And as you can probably tell, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. It was my grandmother who instilled in my mother the belief that the elderly have voices, wisdom, and much to contribute. They are not just passive recipients of care. They deserve to be seen, heard, and respected.

It’s been over 20 years since she passed, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. I tell my young son stories about her all the time. And whenever we see a butterfly flutter by, we squeal with delight, “Look! Halmoni came to see us!”

I am my grandmother’s granddaughter.

I hold that title with the deepest pride and honor.Her legacy runs through my veins, steady and strong. And now, as I raise my own son, I carry her wisdom forward, not just in stories, but in the way we live, lead, and love.

She taught us that strength can be quiet, holding onto dignity is its own kind of courage,and that love is an act of leadership.

I am a living echo of all that she was, and all she dreamed we could become.

And through me, so is my son.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Jean Kim is an award-winning educator, global communication strategist, and co-founder of LYP Training & Consulting. With a life shaped by international moves and a career built on 20+ years of communication expertise, she empowers global professionals—especially women and equity-deserving groups—to lead with clarity, confidence, and authenticity. From Seoul to Toronto, Jean’s work bridges cultures and builds voices that make an impact.